


What We Had

by ryuomen



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, M/M, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 20:02:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28818966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryuomen/pseuds/ryuomen
Summary: After years of being together, you and Osamu fell out of love. Now, Osamu feels there’s something missing in his life. He agrees to let Atsumu set him up on a blind date, and to his shock, it’s you. As the date progresses, you both reminisce about the past and the unspoken regrets you hold.CONTAINS TIMESKIP SPOILERS
Relationships: Miya Osamu & Reader, Miya Osamu/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	What We Had

You no longer slept in each other’s arms. You and Osamu gradually drifted apart on the mattress to the point where you now slept with your backs facing each other with a significant gap in between. Things were quiet. It wasn’t the peacefulness you thought you’d reach. It wasn’t that you despised him, or you felt uncomfortable. Simply put, you fell out of love, and so had he. Neither of you were brave enough to bring it up, so you held onto the hope that something would reignite the spark you had for years. But two painfully long months passed, and it was the same feeling, or lack thereof. It felt more like living with a roommate than your boyfriend.

 ****One morning, after you had breakfast filled with the same, monotonous small-talk, Osamu set down his utensils and looked you straight in the eyes, the first time he’d done so in months.

 ****“I think we should break up.”

 ****You thought it’d be painful, that the realization your love had fizzled out would finally hit and you’d be flooded with regret. Instead, you felt relieved, and you nodded, knowing it was time to go.

* * *

****Fast forward two years. With the help of his friends and family, Osamu built Onigiri Miya from the ground up. Business was booming and he had a wonderful team of employees to back him up. He was content with life, but it was still missing something. Osamu hadn’t been in a stable relationship since your break up. Dates after dates, no one stuck. When he thought he finally found a suitable partner, he found out they had an obsession over his twin, Atsumu, and Osamu was merely a gateway to get closer to him.

 ****It was in times like this he thought about you the most, the stability and love you once had since high school up until your twenties. Although you ended on good terms and promised to stay friends, he hadn’t spoken to you in person since the day you moved out and bid him goodbye. He assumed he’d at least run into you on the street or at the store, but nothing. It was as if you disappeared. The first time he heard from you since the break up was when you sent him a text after the grand opening of Onigiri Miya.

Y/N: [Congrats, Osamu. I knew you could do it :)]

Osamu: [Thank you (Y/N). It means a lot.]

 ****He wondered if he should’ve messaged you more, maybe ask how you’ve been or if you wanted to catch up. But he pondered for too long, and he realized it would be weird to text you so late at night. He turned off his phone, but the thought of how you were doing still lingered.

Osamu never would have agreed to go on a blind date if he weren’t this desperate. It was Atsumu’s idea, of course. Atsumu saw an ad for a new dating app on a billboard while on the way to one of his matches. The app was catered specifically for blind dates. When his twin offered to help set up a date, every fiber in Osamu’s body begged for him to say no, but he’d been single for too long, and Atsumu’s jabs at his poor love life weren’t helping. He agreed, on the condition that he could beat Atsumu if he purposefully set him up with a bad partner.

 ****Osamu entered the cafe in a hurry, phone in hand. Atsumu scheduled the date for 4:00 PM, and it was now 4:30. Osamu had forgotten all about it, and on top of that, he had to cover the shift of one of his employees who was out sick. He rushed home, threw on his nicest shirt and pants, hoping his date hadn’t left.

 ****His eyes darted around the crowded cafe for a person in a grey jacket, as stated in their text to his brother. He looked, but the hustle and bustle made it harder to focus. There were blue coats, red sweaters, black suits, but nothing grey. His gaze fell to the corner of the room, and his heart stopped.

_****No, it can’t be…_

****You sat at the very back of the cafe, away from the other patrons. You sipped on your vanilla latte, which was cold by now, and waited patiently for your date. His brother, who set it up, texted you that he’d be late because of work. Thirty minutes wasn’t too bad, but you hoped whoever showed up made it worth it. You only got the general details of your blind date; he worked in the food industry, had a twin brother, and he used to play volleyball. Reading those notes made you think of a certain set of twins, and you wondered how you would react if it was indeed Osamu. But the facts were so basic, it could’ve applied to anyone.

 ****Maybe you shouldn’t have thought about it so much. None other than Osamu Miya slid into the seat in front of you, trying his best not to make it awkward. You choked on your coffee and quickly dabbed it away with a napkin.

 ****“Hi. It’s been a while.”

 ****“Yeah…” You glanced at his phone, which was on the table, and saw the app open to details of your date. Below that were the three facts you gave to who you now knew was Atsumu.

 ****Over the past two years, Osamu compiled so many questions for you. Now that you were here, face to face, they all disappeared from his mind. He had no clue what to say, and judging from how you were avoiding eye contact, you didn’t, either. He didn’t think it would be that awkward—you did end on good terms, after all. But the tension between you two felt as if the cause of your break up was endless shouting when it was very much the opposite.

Sometimes, Osamu wished it’d been like that so he’d have an excuse as to why he let go of the one person he valued most. When he told his family about it, they were more heartbroken than he was. His mother cried for days, and Atsumu was angry that Osamu didn’t work hard enough to reignite your love. 

****“Couples’ counseling exists for a reason!” he screamed.

 ****Osamu shrugged in an attempt to look nonchalant, but in his heart, he knew Atsumu was right. You never brought it up, never tried to talk it out. He waited for a sign, for some outside force to magically tie you back together. He let it play out without putting in an ounce of effort. In the end, he took the path he convinced himself was best. When you agreed without a hint of sadness on your face, and he noticed how relaxed you seemed, all the guilt came crashing down at once. He told himself he didn’t love you anymore. He told himself it was for the better, that good things would come his way. So, why is it that when you were in front of him, he wanted to say, _I love you?_

* * *

You had no clue why you brought up the idea of visiting the places you used to go as a couple. And it shocked you, even more, when Osamu said yes. Now, you were at the train station, eating the custard buns you used to buy after school. The inside was just as sweet and gooey as you remembered. For a moment, you felt like high schoolers again. Osamu had a bottle of green tea, the same brand you bought for him years ago. Though you smiled at your youthful past, you couldn’t shake the memory of the day you last saw Osamu.

 ****It was at this station where you said your final goodbyes. The sky was a mix of pink and orange, casting an ethereal light over you as you waited for the train. Osamu remembered wanting to ask you for a goodbye kiss as closure, to end your relationship on a good note. But what more did he need? He didn’t love you anymore. Kissing you would be like kissing a stranger, and the last thing he wanted was to make you uncomfortable. And yet, he couldn’t stop admiring your lips, imagining the plushness of it against his, the feeling that had made his heart race for years.

 ****The train came to a stop, and its doors hissed open. You grabbed your bags, bid Osamu goodbye, and boarded. Through the window, he watched you settle in your seat. He thought you’d turn around and watch until he faded into the distance like everyone did in the movies. It was he who watched until the train disappeared into the tunnel. The entire time, you were on your phone, and he knew he was already a distant memory.

* * *

The train took you to the neighborhood where your old high school stood strong. Even in the dark, Inarizaki looked no different than it did when you and Osamu attended. You passed by the boys’ gym, and your mind began to play the familiar sound of squeaky shoes and the excited cries of the team. While Osamu idled around campus, he realized you stopped near the club room building. He couldn’t tell if you were sad or pleased as you stared at the water fountains, wrapped in nostalgia.

 ****“Ah,” he clicked his tongue. “This is where-”

 ****“-I confessed to you,” you finished.

 ****It was clear as day. You and Osamu were second-years in the same class. You harbored feelings for him since junior high but never dared to confess. But you only had a year left until you graduated, and your friends convinced you it was now or never. So, you asked Osamu to meet you before afternoon practice by the club room building. You shoved the love letter in his hands before running off, shouting, “ _Do your best!”_ over your shoulder.

 ****That night, you couldn’t sleep. Your heart couldn’t stop pounding at the thought of facing him the next day. You nearly screamed when your phone rang. It was Osamu. You didn’t want to pick up in fear of rejection, but the thought of _what if?_ inspired you to answer.

 ****“Hey,” he said. “I just read your letter. Is it true? Do you really feel that way about me?”

 ****You nodded before realizing he couldn’t see. “Yes, it’s true. I like you, Osamu. A lot.”

 ****“I really like you, too, (Y/N). So, so much.”

 ****Though the phone call was the start of your relationship, it wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t meet him by the club room. To be in that spot years later felt unreal, like you were confessing to him all over again. Together, you talked about college, marriage, children, and growing old. You planned your whole life with Osamu only for it to end the moment you found stability and peace. You wondered where you’d be now if the break up never happened, if you managed to reignite that spark. Would he be your husband? Would you have kids?

 ****Osamu wandered off to another part of the campus. Although the space felt empty without him, you were glad he couldn’t see the tears streaming down your face.

* * *

The bridge was filled with bittersweet memories. Before things became motionless, you and Osamu used to argue over the littlest things, from washing dishes to turning off the TV. Small sparks set off a bigger blast. A snide comment would turn into a fit of shouting until you were too exhausted to continue or one of you left. When Osamu stormed out of your shared apartment, you knew he’d be at the bridge. Something about the serenity of the water below made you forget all the anger, and you both apologized. 

****“I’m sorry, Osamu,” you whispered after a particularly nasty fight. “Please, come home. I miss you.”

 ****He’d give you a warm hug and kiss you on the lips, stroking your back and telling you he was sorry, too.

 ****Osamu never realized how you were always the first one to say sorry until now. Despite him being the one to start fights, he never once apologized until you did. He left you waiting, begging him to come home. How often did you fear he wouldn’t come back? How many times did he make you feel like you were in the wrong? The insecurities you told him about, the idea that you weren’t worthy of his love, did he make you feel like that?

 ****Maybe you realized you were too good for him. Maybe that’s why you stopped snuggling him in your sleep. Maybe it was him all along, the one who set off the wrong sparks and snuffed the one that mattered most. Now, Osamu was looking for a sign once again. If you stayed silent, all that happened was water under the bridge, and there was no point in bringing it up. If you spoke, Osamu would hold onto the hope that the flame of your love would burn once more. He counted the seconds, growing antsy as the numbers increased. You could say anything, and it’d be enough for him to hope. Hell, you could comment on the weather, and he’d take it as his sign.

 **** _Please, please,_ he begged in his mind. _Something, anything, just one word-_

 ****“It’s a lot more peaceful here than I remembered.”

_****Holy shit._

****You stared into the starry sky. “Being here used to give me the worst anxiety. It’s almost like a tradition to apologize here. This place should’ve given me hope, but all those times when I’d find you here, I’d think to myself, ‘This is it, this is the end. It’s over.’”

 ****You answered his unspoken questions. How could he have been so blind? He should’ve known that a simple 'sorry' wasn’t enough to lift the weight off your shoulders. What kind of boyfriend lets their partner bear all the burden? And to think your breakup was mutual—no, he convinced himself it was a relief when in reality, it only felt like that for you. He couldn’t blame anyone other than himself for the karma he rightfully deserved and received. The emptiness he felt, the hole in his heart-

 ****“I still love you.” He looked you in the eyes for the second time that day. “I still love you, (Y/N). I’m sorry. I’m sorry I never realized how much I hurt you. I’m sorry that this is the only time I’ve apologized first on this damn bridge, and we’re not even together anymore. I am so, so fucking sorry.”

 ****“Osamu…”

 ****“God, I hate myself. I’m a piece of shit. I let you carry all that pain around and didn’t do anything to help. I didn’t even ask if you were okay. What was I thinking? But I still love you, (Y/N). I feel so fucking empty without you. All this time, I’ve been pretending I’m okay, but I’m a mess. I love you, I love you so much it hurts, and I know what you’re going to say, and it’s gonna be the worst pain I’ve ever felt, but I deserve it.”

 ****Your bottom lip quivered. “Osamu, I’m sorry.”

_****Here it comes._

****“I’m sorry you’ve been feeling this way.”

_****Any time now…_

****“But I can’t return your feelings.”

_****There it is._

****Osamu nodded solemnly.

 ****“However-” your voice trembled and your vision blurred. “I’ll admit, I miss what we had. It was the happiest I’d ever been in my life. I miss all the dumb shit we used to do in high school. I miss the stability after graduation, even if it was short. I miss everything, Osamu. Especially you.” You wiped your eyes. “It’s hard to forget someone you’ve loved since junior high. I don’t think I’m ready to let go, not yet.”

 ****Osamu stood in stunned silence as you let out a weary laugh through your tears. You took his hands in yours. His fingers fit perfectly in your palm, and your thumbs rested in the familiar dents between his knuckles, like you were molded for each other.

 ****“Osamu,” you whispered. “I can’t say ‘I love you’ right now, but I think I can soon.”

 ****It took a moment for him to process your words. When he did, his eyes gleamed with excitement. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

 ****You nodded. “Let’s give it another shot. Let’s fix what we had.”

 ****Osamu smiled and nodded back. “Yeah. Let’s do it.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you made it to the end, hi! This is my first time posting on AO3, so I'm still figuring things out. If my username seems familiar, you might recognize me from Tumblr (@ryuomens). I'm only posting this here for fun, and because it's the first long oneshot I've written. If you like my work, please check out my Tumblr where I post all my other stuff including drabbles and headcanons. 
> 
> I probably won't post onto AO3 regularly, but I do have a multipart Tsukishima fic from my Tumblr that I may combine and post onto here.
> 
> Again, check out my Tumblr for more stuff! :) <3


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